Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize