He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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