I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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