I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
