dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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