She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
