I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Couch. On fire.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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