I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
