just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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