I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
