in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
it was like having sex with a tree stump
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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