You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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