i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
