Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
