We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Randomize
