Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
