i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
