I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Randomize
