Where is the hickey?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
