so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
