Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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