my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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