All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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