This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
