im six kinds of drunk right now
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
