Welp...herpes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
