I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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