I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
