maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
