i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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