hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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