no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
home. puking in laundry basket.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
