i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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