so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
