..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
