he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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