Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
