Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
