I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
