Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
