So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
