she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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