Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
