My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
