i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
