At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
