she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
