Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
