There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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