you would pick up someone in the library
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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