I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
