Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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