Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Randomize
