mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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